[php] AW: [php] Authentication

[eschmid]

On Thu, 17 Feb 2000, Peter Petermann wrote:

> Hi Ali,
> 
> > Hat jemand vielleicht Erfahrung mit Authentication unter Einsatz
> > von php und mysql DB in der die User_ Namen und Passwoerter gespeichert
> > sind. Ich bedanke mich fuer jeden Hinweis.
> Intressante Fragestellung,
> hier eine Antwort, wie die Mircosoft Hotline sie geben würde (korrekt, aber
> nutzlos)
> Ja, jemand hat vieleicht Erfahrung
> 
> -
> 
> Genug geblödelt,
> was genau möchtest du den wissen?

Ich kenne mich da auch nicht so recht aus. Aber ich kenne da folgenden
Dialog mit einer noch bekannteren Hotline:

  
=================================================


Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee

"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away".

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move your cursor around the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type".

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.  Does it
have a little
 light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know?"

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power
cord goes in it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so".

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into
the  wall."

"Yes it is"

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the
other  cable.
"
"Okay, here it is"
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back
of  your computer".

"I can't reach it."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's
dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in
from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power failure."

"A power.... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.  Do
you still have the boxes and manuals and
packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes I keep them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it
was when you got it. Then take it back to the
store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."