[php] FYI: Student Suspended Over Suspected Use of PHP ;)

[andreas kempf aka 'amalesh']

National News
Wednesday  June 14 10:10 PM EDT


Student Suspended Over Suspected Use of PHP
Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today
after teachers learned he may be using PHP.

"A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as part of our
Zero-Tolerance policy against drug use, he was immediately suspended.
No questions asked," said Principal Clyde Thurlow.   "We're not quite
sure what PHP is, but suspect it may be a derivative of PCP, or maybe
a new designer drug like GHB." 

Parents are frightened by the discovery of this new menace in their
children's school, and are demanding the school do something.  "We
heard that he found out about PHP at school on the internet.  There
may even be a PHP web ring operating on school grounds," said irate
parent Carol Blessing.  "School is supposed to be teaching our kids
how to read and write.  Not about dangerous drugs like PHP."

In response to parental demands the school has reconfigured its
internet WatchDog software to block access to all internet sites
mentioning PHP. Officials say this should prevent any other students
from falling prey like Brett Tyson did.  They have also stepped up
locker searches and brought in drug sniffing dogs.

Interviews with students suggested that PHP use is wide spread around
the school, but is particularly concentrated in the geeky nerd
population. When contacted by BBspot.com, Brett Tyson said, "I don't
know what the hell is going on dude, but this suspension gives me more
time for fraggin'.  Yee haw!"

PHP is a hypertext preprocessor, which sounds very dangerous.  It is
believed that many users started by using Perl and moved on to the
more powerful PHP.  For more information on how to recognize if your
child may be using PHP please visit http://www.php.net.